Updated: Apr 15, 2020
The voice. The throat chakra, the source of physical creation. For many lifetimes, even this one, my voice had been chastised of its very purpose. To build new worlds.
For me, practicing Reiki and yoga means I have a responsibility to assist and guide others back to their individual power. I have a platform to spread a message of the feminine rising within all of us - yes, men you too. Especially you! We all have suffered from the shunning of our other half.
I have a voice to drop seeds of unity consciousness. Seeds that are sure to grow. Even now, you reading the words from my channeled voice, is a seed. Welcome to the blossoming.
Fertile energy is who I am, who WE are, as I learn to fully harness my own feminine energy and harmonize with my masculinity. I am the direct creation and connection of the heavens and earth coming together as one. I recognize that and am here, in this space, to honor that. I am here to assist in the burning destruction of the spell of unbalanced patriarchy. This is the fearful energy that burned us for being naturally whole, sacred and powerful. I am open about my ability to destroy what stands in my way of my highest good. I hold a lot of anger and rage that shall be directed as a hyper focused weapon of mass awakening to our very being. I am also nurturing, protective, merciful, understanding and loving. I accept these many aspects of myself, I welcome them and the power that each emotion holds. I ask you to do the same. It begins with me and you, choosing. Choosing to give Rise to who we are!
Having a relationship with emotions makes me a powerful force of nature and I intend to use the speciality of my individual power for the betterment of HUman evolution, planetary evolution. Which is really just a fancy way to say, we are in a time to remember our lost her.story and his.story = as one.
I was recently blamed, word for word, for causing demons because of my beliefs. What was REALLY happening, I was facing demons head on, willingly and able. I give rise to hidden demons to be recognized and released. My strength provoked fear in the hearts of the meek, unable to do the work themselves. I was in a process of destroying energetic toxicity by recognizing it for what it really was. Pain and shame that has manifested into a big ol’ demon. The elephant in the room no one wants to discuss because it’s too awkward and triggers abandonment issues within all. Even me. Especially me. I’m healing too.
I’m not here to say I know it all or even act as if I do because I don’t. Really, I am saying this because people assume one knows all when they choose to speak their truth. Which is false. Although some days I feel I do and then the next that belief comes crashing down.
What I do know is that I have an open ear and single eye to listen to my body, my intuition. With this Choice, I hold an advantage of courage and strength that many are terrified of. The power within. I am learning how to hold space for the deepest depths of myself. My embarrassing, ridiculed, judgement of shame, guilt and grief. All A-1 points of entry into the dark place some call hell. To be in the thick of it and then remember WHO I am, who we are... the light. Choosing to travel to the unknown of growth. Choosing to be the catalyst, the seed AND the mother, of our very own rebirthing. Being the conscious awareness within a dark cave, a rebirthing canal. Witnessing ourselves be birthed into this remembrance of who we are, what we are here to do, what we have always done and how we can harness our true potential as a HUman = Light being (Angels) = God/Goddess.
Earth is no easy task. Easy is not why we are here. Being birthed, on to earth, is painful and traumatic naturally, yet beautiful, loving and live giving. Once we are birthed, transitioned physically, we feel as if we have made it, but only for a moment. We never, ever stop birthing ourselves and the moment we resist this fact of being light incarnated, we fall away from our power. Change is just birth happening over and over. Change is the only constant and just like birth, this realization can be painful yet beautiful. How can we be so expansive and excited to venture forth yet grieve for the old that has fallen into past? What a gift to hold. To be aware, to see, all of time and space in one single vessel. Seeing and feeling past, present, future through the human mind. An antenna to multidimensional experiences. To close our physical eyes and have the capacity to dream up all of our boundless possibilities, yet still be here, on earth. We are a very special kind of being. One of a kind, in our world and possibly others. Here we are, holding space, dreaming up worlds of our own choosing yet experiencing life physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
All. At. The. Same. Time.
We are the creation of creations! The fallen angels who forgot their place in the cosmic make up. Although, this forgetting may be a conspiracy in itself. This knowledge was beaten and stripped away from us by the greed for control over life. Consequently, through others deep discovery of self, I am finding that control of ones surroundings and control of others is a trauma response. Similar to staying in fight, flight or freeze mode is a trauma response. Intense, brutal trauma can cause endless ailments mentally. Common ones are split personalities, disassociation, forms of OCD, depression, anxiety, hoarding, bipolar, being a bully, codependency, narcissism and the list goes on. These occurrences are all pretty common in our society today. These are all responses to trauma in a world run solely off patriarchy. A world that, for the past 2,000 years, created fear in our hearts in an attempt to rape us of our birth rights for the control of our sacred vessels. A world that created fear of taking the unbeaten path for if we did, we were abandoned, shamed, tormented and emotionally or physically burned for being authentic.
Faithfully, in our own HUman divine order, we have entered the new age. New in the sense that Earth and HUmans have never crossed over into a time quite like the energies of today. Our ancestors, from all over the world, have all shared the stories of a new people rising. WE ARE THOSE PEOPLE! We are on the forefront, as divine warriors, grounding in the knowledge we hold in our DNA. The scared knowledge we were born with to unleash when the time is prime. NOW is that time. We have made it. Now is the time to let go of that guru, prist, minister, pastor, whatever holy one you look up to for guidance because YOU are that holy one. You hold the way, your way. You have all the guidance and knowledge you could ever need. You were born with all the answers. In your sacred vessel, your body, you hold the very thing you have been longing for. You are the way.
For me, “going within” is pretty out played. It’s pretty easy for me to get fed up with hearing the same things over and over and over. However, the message is pretty important and more true than anything I have ever ventured upon. Going within, tapping into our DNA gives rise to our authentic nature, not the made up version of what is acceptable to our peers. Going within is choosing to take off the mask, stepping out of the false character and embracing our essence. All these trauma responses are a crippling side effect of keeping up with our society accepted mask. When we choose to be and do what is accepted by society over living our truth, our body and mind align to create the side effects. Over time this false alignment causes emotional deterioration that can eventually become physical ailments. Which in turn makes it easier and easier to control the vessel and harder and harder for us to live our true nature.
I use to get pretty enraged at books, blogs, articles and such that pointed out all that’s effed with us and our world, yet not having an inkling of awareness on the next steps of action to create a world that better suits Earth and humanity. It’s easy to point, blame and then move on. For me, I left unsatisfied and found myself feeling pretty damn guilty. I don’t want this or any of my future blogs to be that. I want this to be a ringing in your vessel that begins to shake you up from the nightmare that no longer has power. I want this to be the call, the seed, that blossoms endless gardens of possibilities. I want this message to be the push, or one of the pushes, that bring you back to you. You are the answer. Whatever action you need to take to get you back to you, is up to you. I’m not here to tell you meditation, yoga, diet or whatever modality is going to “fix” you. There is nothing to fix, you just forgot about yourself. Your needs. Your wants. Your desires. If this blog had a mirror meme that actually allowed you to see your face, I’d totally put it all over this post. You are the answer to everything. Coming back to the truth of you will move mountains.
Then, you can be thinking, how the eff do I do that? Honestly, I can’t give you an answer. It’s so different for everyone. I can only give you my experience. For me, it has been years and continued years of self discovery through endless forms of therapy, trying new things, meditation, yoga, psychedelics, root work, medicine wheels, shamanic journeys, crying, mental breakdowns, confronting fears, asking questions, investigating my past, following synchronizations, speaking to angels, crying out to a friend or spouse, lots of support, learning to be vulnerable, Reiki, energy work of all sorts, self care in all its forms, changing diet, acupuncture and really the list is endless. However, the one thing ALL of this has brought me back to is me. It’s all about me. It’s all about taking responsibility for myself, my actions, my self care, my role as a HUman. All those tools were just fancy, elaborate modalities to remind me of me. To strip and shed all the layers society had thrown on me and to come back to the beginning. To start over with the raw, authentic version of myself.
Fair warning, there are A LOT of layers. I’m still digging and discovering. Our true nature is so infinite that digging and discovery may be the bulk of who we are. Expansion and growth is our nature. So for me, being authentic leads to a constant rebirthing, change. For me, the rise is the beauty of the destruction. To be aware of the pieces falling and a new version emerging. All. At. The. Same. Time. However, still having this same exact awareness that was there before, during and after the crumbling. The true essence is still there, during it all. It never leaves. The rise is the remembrance of the core self and allowing it to shine forth with courage and strength. This does not mean we have it “all together”, all the time. Very much the opposite. It means we do breakdown. It means we cry. It means we feel. It means we feel the complexity of ALL emotions. It means we can be peaceful and destroy. It means we accept our very own complexity and create safe spaces to be that specific complexity.
For example, I have pretty regular mental breakdowns. Probably once or twice a month do I decide that life and being human is too fucking much and I want nothing to do with it. For real, why the fuck would I choose to come here and deal with this stupid fucking shit?! These stupid fucking people. These stupid fucking surroundings. These stupid fucking necessities to stay alive. These stupid fucking bills. These stupid fucking things calling for my attention. I get REAL angry, real fast and really big. I can go from being a spark of a lit match to a whole state forest fire in a matter of seconds. When feeling these enormous feelings, my aim is to destroy anything and everything that stands between me and this rage. Even typing about this, my body tenses up, teeth grinding and I have a real urge to fight. So here I am, in fight response. My go to response when triggered. Just a couple days ago, I went through this. My throat felt it was going to explode. I literally felt an expansion of it. I couldn’t stop crying. A type of cry I’ve never heard come from me before. Half of me went into victim mode and the other half questioning the feelings. Now, days later, I’m realizing that these rage filled breakdowns are completely necessary and, in honor of those emotions, I shall create a safe space to allow those emotions loose. I’m choosing to not allow them to run havoc on my body but allow real expression. Not a space where I shove them onto someone else or point blame. A space where I can be full of rage and anger and not be wronged for it. It is okay and normal to get angry, to scream, to want to fight. My solution, MMA conditioning. To find a space I can fight and hit shit. To create a space to cry and cry and cry. To create a space to undo the layers and possibly grieve them. Until now, I’ve been working against my feelings and now it’s time to allow them to work for my betterment. To hit some shit then come home to write a book about it. Our emotions are a call to action of expression. This angry fight response provides me the momentum to spread the seeds of unity consciousness. To burn a path for the feminine rising.
So the next time you are REALLY feeling some deep emotions, allow yourself a safe space to express. Give rise to you by allowing the shedding to occur at the same time. Then be with yourself and honor your needs of expression. You are valuable. You are important. You are matter, or else you wouldn’t be here.
Do you hear the call? Do you feel the rise?
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